2 Communication Lessons That Changed How I Speak and Write
I recently revisited Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath — and it reminded me of two communication lessons that completely changed how I speak and write. This was a book I first read when I was just beginning to coach people on communication. This time, two ideas jumped out at me all over again. They’re simple, but incredibly powerful if you want your message to stay in people’s minds long after they’ve heard it.
Over the years, I’ve realized that most of us don’t struggle to find good ideas — we struggle to make others feel them. We throw logic, data, and advice at our audience, but it slides right off. These two lessons changed that for me. They made my speeches, my writing, and even my everyday explanations far more memorable.
Let’s dive into them.
1. “Try Before You Buy” — Let People Experience Your Idea
Instead of telling people something is true, let them test it. The audience should get a tiny taste of your idea before they decide to believe it. It’s like offering a free sample at a supermarket — once they taste it, they’re far more likely to buy in.
When people experience something for themselves, it doesn’t just stay in their minds; it lands in their bodies. They feel it, and feeling always beats explanation.
Here’s how it works
a) The Mini Thought Experiment
Instead of saying:
“Most of us waste time on social media.”
Try this:
“How many of you checked your phone this morning before brushing your teeth?”
Instantly, everyone recalls that tiny, guilty moment — and your point has already landed. You didn’t tell them they waste time; they discovered it themselves. That’s far more persuasive than any statistic.
b) The Personal Reflection Prompt
Instead of saying:
“Gratitude changes how we see life.”
Try this:
“Think of one person who helped you last week. Did your mood just lift a little?”
That subtle pause — the moment they recall a person’s face and feel a flicker of warmth — is where real communication happens. Your audience feels your message, not just hears it.
c) The Live Demonstration
When I speak about public speaking fear, I often say:
“Take a deep breath. Notice how your shoulders dropped? That’s your body resetting.”
In those three seconds, they’ve just experienced the truth of what I’m saying — that a deep breath calms the body. No slides, no science — just proof they can feel.
That’s what “try before you buy” means: let people sample your message first. When you do, they don’t just understand your idea; they own it.
This lesson also works beautifully in writing. The next time you write a blog, an email, or a caption, ask yourself: Can my reader experience what I’m saying, even in a small way? Maybe through a question, a visualization, or a one-line challenge. If they can, you’ve already won them over.
2. Let the Idea Carry Its Own Weight
The second idea is equally powerful — and equally humbling. It’s this:
Let your idea stand on its own. Don’t lean on your authority to make it believable.
When we speak or write, it’s tempting to build credibility by introducing ourselves — “As a coach,” “As a manager,” “As a parent.” But when your idea is truly strong, it doesn’t need credentials. It proves itself.
Here’s an example. Instead of saying:
“As a communication coach, I’ve seen that fear of failure stops most speakers.”
Say:
“How many of you rehearse your speech silently in your head but freeze on stage?”
Now the idea doesn’t depend on who said it. The audience recognizes themselves in it — and that recognition makes it real.
When you let the idea carry its own weight, your audience becomes the proof. They connect the dots themselves. It’s no longer about your experience; it’s about their experience.
This mindset also frees you from the pressure of sounding “expert.” You don’t need to prove your worth before you speak. You just need to craft your message so well that it proves itself.
And when an idea carries its own weight, it travels further. People repeat it, quote it, and apply it — not because you said it, but because it worked for them.
The Big Takeaway
In a great speech or a great piece of writing, the audience doesn’t just hear your point — they prove it to themselves.
That’s the difference between communication that’s merely clear and communication that’s unforgettable.
When I look back at my early speeches, I realize I used to explain too much. I wanted people to understand, so I told them everything. But the more I learned, the more I saw that great communication is about inviting, not instructing. It’s about letting people see, feel, and test your message in real time.
So the next time you speak or write, try this simple test:
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Don’t just say it — let them see it.
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Don’t just claim it — let them feel it.
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Don’t just explain it — let them experience it.
Because when your audience experiences the truth of your idea firsthand, it sticks — not because you said it, but because they lived it.
💬 A Quick Note
If you’d like to catch shorter, bite-sized versions of these communication tips — the kind you can watch on the go — stay tuned to my Instagram blog. I share quick, actionable insights there every week to help you speak and write with more impact.