Today, 1 out of every 5 kids has an ANXIETY DISORDER.
Is your kid much like our ‘Chika’? Help him find ways to deal with his SHYNESS.
As a child, I remember standing near the brick planter of the primary school playground during the lunch break and observing the sparrows sitting on the cemented boundary of the sand pit. I played in the pit till the time there would be only one or two kids rollicking in it. And then on seeing the crowd, would quickly scurry into a corner near the planter.
I would come back home with remarks in the handbook for not mixing up enough with my classmates.
Eventually I was labelled SHY.
At home, amongst the civilized jungle of relatives, I would smile and greet everyone but escape into the kitchen at the first opportunity to help mom.
I was labeled INTROVERT.
Thanks to the few lovely classmates who kept approaching me until I agreed to play with them and to the unconditional support of my family, I have come a long way in learning to EXPRESS myself in more ways than one.
But not many kids are that fortunate.
Renowned psychologist, Dr. Shefali Tsabary suggests 3 SIMPLE WAYS we can help our children deal with it –
Understanding THE SOURCE OF ANXIETY (as the wound lies underneath)
Letting them know that their worth is NOT GAINED BY COMPETITION AND SUCCESS.
Children are masters of living in the PRESENT – their ZEAL must remain intact and not be killed by the INSANE PRESSURES of the current culture.
While I am still an introvert (enjoying to spend more time alone than with people), the shyness (hesitation to interact) is no more!
In a world where society celebrates extroversion, I guess it would be unfair and maybe even devastating to push our children into it while their natural make doesn’t allow them to be so.
Listen to this story which attempts to FLAG THE PROBLEM in a subtle yet entertaining way.
Every page of this insightful journey that Dr. Shefali Tsabary ushers us into demands deep reflection. Her words are likely to evoke the inevitable pangs of guilt—especially in those of us raising slightly older children.This book shatters the myth that parenting is an entitlement earned by biology. We often believe we own our children simply because they are born “from our blood and sweat.” But the profound truth—visible only to minds open to growth—is that our children have come only through us, not from us.This illusion of entitlement often becomes an excuse to exert control, to reclaim the authority we may feel denied elsewhere. And unfortunately, our children become the easiest recipients of this misplaced power.
The Conscious Parent is a powerful call to action. A call to turn the spotlight inward.
Self-Awareness: The Starting Point
Dr. Tsabary urges us to trace our negative emotions to their roots, to reflect deeply and understand why we react the way we do. This inner work helps us disassociate from those behaviors and break the cycle—so we no longer hand over the same emotional baggage to our children.This isn’t easy. It’s laborious and humbling. But it’s the beginning of real change.
Listening—Truly, Fully, Completely
Another piece I came across recently illustrated this beautifully.A soldier, returning from war, calls his parents and asks if he can bring a friend—someone who lost his legs in battle and has no one else to care for him. The parents hesitate and gently express that such a friend might be a burden. A couple of days later, they receive news of their son’s suicide.The “friend” was him. He had lost his legs. He needed acceptance. But he couldn’t say it directly.Had his parents truly heard him—if they had listened with their hearts and not just their ears—they may have read between the lines.Dr. Tsabary insists on being present—mentally, emotionally, and physically—when your child speaks. When your child talks to you with that spark in their eyes, listen. Listen as if those moments are fleeting—because they are.
Partnering with Our Children: Not Managing Them
After reading the book, I made a major shift in my mornings with my younger son, who’s 4.Earlier, I would rush him through the school routine. While we made it to the bus stop on time, it was often at the cost of my temper and his tears. He would dawdle. I would scold. He would resist more. And the cycle continued.Then I changed one thing—I simply added more time to our mornings.Now, with more space to breathe, we remain on schedule without the pressure. And I added a reward: if he finishes early, he gets to read Geronimo Stilton or play with his Avenger toys. We both feel lighter. And the morning becomes a moment of connection rather than conflict.Every child runs at their own pace. Expecting them to stretch beyond that rhythm takes time—and patience.
This Journey Isn’t About Raising a Child… But Raising Ourselves
Parenting, as Tsabary says, is not about molding a child. It’s about transforming the parent.It’s about realizing this relationship is ephemeral, and precisely because of that—it’s precious. Our children are not ours to own. They are individuals on their own journey.I bought The Conscious Parent when my elder son was just 3. I was new to this world, full of enthusiasm and fear. Some pages made me cry—out of guilt, helplessness, and revelation. And yet, I kept reading.Even now, years later, I stumble. But now I stumble with awareness. I rebound with more mindful words, thoughts, and actions.I now read a few paragraphs each day—not as a routine, but as a ritual. A ritual to remind myself that I’m not raising a child.I’m raising a parent.
3 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD BE READING WITH YOUR CHILD, ‘THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER’ by Mark Twain
1. For the joy of experiencing Tom’s delightful adventures, the wild and vivid imagination of a teenage psychology and the deeply felt young emotions thus reproduced.
(The brutes – Tom, Huck and Joe – cook up a recipe to attend their own funeral sermon!)
‘The convulsion of delight that swept his system shook him to his foundations.’ (convulsion – uncontrollable fit)
2. To marvel at the youthful spirit and Tom’s authentic relationships with his Aunt Polly and Becky – his lady love.
The brute of a boy, the crazy adventurer but a world-class soul of a friend and a lover, Tom Sawyer is a timeless hero. With his signature masterstroke of liberating philosophies and satire, Mark Twain in his novel paints the world of Tom in delicious metaphors we can’t resist to savour.
